JaneDoh!
Goddess Intellect
Nik
Anthony R.
Daydreamer
Ms. Dee
PrimaryThoughts
{JeLisa}What about your Friends?
Scenario 1
Some time ago last year, my good friend told me she “disapproved” of my relationship, and thought I was wasting my time. I didn’t pay her any attention, and a few weeks later, I called a few times but she never returned my calls. That’s how we do sometimes, so I wrote it off and called her a couple weeks later on her birthday.
She didn’t answer, so I called a bit later and she was getting in the car to go to dinner… so she couldn’t talk (I don’t know when getting in a car and saying “thank you” are mutually exclusive, but whatever floats your boat…), and would call me back when she got time. I said ok. Her then boyfriend proposed that night, and she sent a text early in the morning telling me of the news, so I sent her a text back when I woke up saying “Congratulations!” She sent me a text later and called to tell me that because I sent a text response, I wasn’t as happy for her as I should be. She proceeded to gather that I was not capable of being happy for her because of the “condition” of my own relationship, and she has to stop being my friend, because she doesn’t want my negative energy to ruin her happiness. Mind you, this is the girl who I sat on the phone with and listened as she cried about how her (fiance) was lying and cheating with his Baby Moms.
Despite my umlimited confusion, I emailed her about 3 or 4 months later just to make sure I was covering all my bases, and she told me yes she meant what she said. She “thought I’d just get over it and apologize” (muthafucka for WHAT?)… and “lapses in communication occur when no one chooses to do the right thing”. (?Como?)
… Well fast forward to this summer, she got married and I hadn’t been invited to the wedding nor heard from her.
Scenario 2
Friends and I are going to cruise in summer and one friend asks me to buy her ticket, which I buy. A couple days after the event, I text her to tell her the ticket was $45 (I had forgotten to let her know before I bought them, and she certainly didn’t ask during the event) and she could just give me the money the next time she saw me. She then goes into this big scene about how “DON’T WORRY! I’LL GIVE YOU YOUR LITTLE MONEY!” Again, mind you that this is the one who didn’t say anything at the event. I told her ok that it wasn’t a big deal and she blew up about how if I were her friend, I wouldn’t be asking for [MY] money, and if she says she’s going to give it to me, she will. I try to explain that I just wanted her to know how much the ticket was, bc I hadn’t told her previously, but she is still on a rampage. She stopped talking to me, even though we have the same group of friends. At events, she now goes out of her way to not speak to me. I sent her an email to see again if there was anything I’d done. She sends me a gchat and says that she didn’t read my email but then invites me to her game night, as if there was nothing wrong. I politely declined, and I haven’t heard from her since.
This is the same girl that took her nothing ass bf back after she found pictures and notes and very personal belongings of his Baby Mama in the apartment that she (my friend) and him share together.
Scenario 3
Same silly shit, different person.
Is there something wrong with me? Why am I always attracting these stupid ass friends? And why in the hell do women put up with so much bullshit from men, but don’t even give their own friends two seconds of consideration?
I don’t know how I’m the one at fault for either of these scenarios, but since when did your not liking the way my relationship is going serve as a valid excuse for you to not be my friend anymore? Is there some unwritten rule that says boys can fuck you over (figuratively and literally) in any way they want, however many times they want, but if your supposed friend dares to let her bf fuck HER over too, all hell breaks loose? Or is there a law that says don’t even appear to be asking your friends for YOUR damn money, even if they never mention that they’re going to (or not going to) pay you back?
I really don’t understand this. What happened to real, lasting friendship between women? When did we start being so damn petty with each other? What about [y]our friends?
Sigh…I've heard these scenarios WAY too many times in my own friendships. I'm not friends with a girl now because she disapproved of me still being cool with a guy that I wasn't even dating anymore! She told me I was running away from real men "like a child runs away from its molester" and that I had low self esteem because I was still his FRIEND. Mind you at the time her boyfriend was a felon just released from jail after damn near ten years for kidnapping and murder….yes, you read that right. But I was the one with the issues, smh.
I'll never understand why as women we often feel our friendships with each other are disposable. As I've gotten older I've come to understand just how priceless real friendships are and try my best everyday to maintain them. Even if I don't approve of a relationship or situation, I state my piece (when asked) and keep it moving. My job as a friend isn't to tell you how to live your life, but to be there when you need a shoulder for the sad times and a cheerleader for the good times.
all these scenarios are crazy! but that money one really irked me the most. I guess because I've had issues with people owing me money, seen it more with others and I just don't like to deal with it at all. common courtesy–pay what you owe. I shouldn't have to come after whats mine and that 'ill pay you your lil money' was hella petty. if its so little, bish run it to me QUICKLY. ugh. The married chick was just insecure about her relationship anyway, and projected that on to you. you were not at fault in either situation.
not sure about why you are attracting these folks, though. I have great friends. we rarely fight–mostly because we live so many miles apart. but even my local "associates" I don't fight with, if you do something shady I just limit my time and interactions with you. I'm a advocate for good girl relationships, I guess I've just been blessed.
I saw a very ugly side of a friend that came out during a breakup w her boo of 5+ yrs..I vowed to never get close to any woman who could not hold her own in a relationship…meaning that their happiness was soley dependant on a man or how this man pulled her strings. It is poor taste to push those away from you who are basically holding a fuckin mirror to your face and making you see that your fuckin up. You didnt like wht your girl told u but u got over it and tried to move fwd..I commend u. Lets keep it movin in '10
Let the record show that The Lioness was not the friend in question in ANY of these scenarios. LOL!
GIRL! Did you read my Cake. PMS and Friends entry?! I totally understand….HOWEVER, Toots/ BFFL and I are back on track. The small riff we had was allowed to fester into a nasty boil(sp). YUCK! However, at the end of the day- post both of our blogs & my dear john letter- we spoke like adults and all is well. I loves that girl. Life just wouldn't be right without her. I say aLLL that to say- friendship is a two way street. And if you (esp in Scenerio 1) have done all you can to fix it, let it be. Let her have her moment. Madison reminded me the other day, friendships change. As they do, you must as well- for better or worse. If your girlfriend cried to you about him once, she hasn't forgotten. She may need you again. And if she means that much to you be there for her. If she doesn't, then let it go.
And Sc. 2- I think we've all had friends like that. She doesn't sound like she was that close. Rather a more like a consequential friend bc of the group dynamic. Just be friendly and keep it moving when together.
My mom always tells me, what you'd do for someone may not be what they'd do for you. Just remember you did it for the right reasons and they'll get their's in the long run.
If those others are meant to be, they'll come back around.
You sound like an AWEsome friend. Evaluate the relationships that mean the most to you and foster those.
If not, have a blast with the girlfriends that reciprocate friendship to you!
Ha – love The Lioness's comment. As for the post, yep I think you're pretty faultless here. The money one especially – you would blatantly never have got it. Your friend obviously felt embarrassed she was such a sly bag that she lashed out.
http://plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/
From your description of the scenarios, you were not at fault in any way. The only wrong thing is you bothered to e-mail and double check. Those bishes need to get bent and effed with a long d***! Are they developmentally delayed in some way?
I also wonder why women put up with life altering bullshit from jailbirds and can't cut their friends some slack over petty shit? Don't waste your time and/or energy wondering what you did wrong or could have done better. What I usually see it boil down to in the end is J.E.A.L.O.U.S.Y. You're doing well and they know in their hearts those "men" (I use the term loosely) are no good and their lives are miserable. Good RIDDANCE to 'em!
Like the rest of the commenters here have said, you were defintely not at fault. It's funny with the first scenario how your friend told you she disapproved of your relationship when in actuality she probably disapproved of own relationship (hector the projector anyone?) __In the second scenario, it seems like your friend made the comment of “DON’T WORRY! I’LL GIVE YOU YOUR LITTLE MONEY!” because of her own guilty conscience. She knew she had no intention on giving you the money for the ticket in the first place, so when you quoted the price of the ticket she in turn went on the defense. ____All I can do is SMH, because I have been there countless of times. No wonder men say women are crazy sometimes because I can guarantee this wouldn't happen among my male friends lol. __"Jay, my man, here is your game ticket, that's $60 dollars you owe me." -"Alright, cool thanks. Here you go. (Jay hands money to friend)" Simple
Yeah, seems like it should be simple. I guess it's true that you just can't loan money to some friends. I have an update on this situation that I'll be posting about soon.
Money and some friends just don't go. I don't lend any money out as a rule because I have been burned before and the one person who can get money from me, shes too prideful to ask lol. I'll definitely be looking forward to your update, especially since it seemed like a final situation you know?
I've ran into similar situations with women. Needless to say, I keep the close girl-friend's to a minimum because it's less drama, sad… but less drama. Not everyone can be happy for someone's "relationship happiness" or "financial stability" and women seem to be more likely to show it in "bitch-ass" ways than men. To that point…
Recently a female stated she was better than me. Now this was suppose to be a grown ass woman confident with herself. This was someone that I thought highly of and in a different but similar way saw a lot of similarities between the two of us. Unfortunately, I think she saw the similarities as well, but it caused her to feel competitive and in the end she became very childish. Who says – I'm better than her? I mean, really? Anyway, it was hard, but I took a similar approach to yours. I was polite about the situation and hopefully in time she will get over herself…