JaneDoh!
Goddess Intellect
Nik
Anthony R.
Daydreamer
Ms. Dee
PrimaryThoughts
{JeLisa}Sizing Him Up
One of the biggest complaints about women that I have heard from the men in Detroit is that they are gold-diggers. According to most men that I’ve encountered, the only thing women care about is what kind of car they drive, what they do for a living, and how much money they have in the bank. I say that is incredibly untrue. We also care about how many kids you have your personality and if you own your own home your zest for life.
Now I am not the type of woman to just come out and ask a man questions about his education, what he does for a living, etc. I usually start out by evaluating the physical, ascertaining whether we have chemistry, and then moving into the other items. I mean whether or not you live with your mama, if you are gainfully employed, and whether you have reliable transportation are valid concerns. However, as a woman, it is hard to ask those burning questions without sounding all gold-diggerish or imposing, so I prefer to use context clues to determine if he’s a good candidate or if he’s just good eye candy.
For example, I met this guy in Wal-Mart recently at about 7:30 in the morning. I’d stopped to pick up a pair of knee highs because I couldn’t find a pair that morning to save my life. So, I’m in line when all of a sudden this fine chocolate brother comes up behind me. So I size him up. He’s dressed nice- so most likely white collar worker (if he works mind you). I look in his cart- no baby stuff (sigh of relief). There’s not a lot in his cart which was good. If there was a lot in there, then he was most likely on his way home to drop it off instead of on his way to work (where he SHOULD be going) unless he worked a night shfit but his style of dress didn’t suggest so.
I smile at him and he smiles back. After we check out, we head toward the parking lot where he stops me and asks me for my name. Our conversation goes something like this (some editing):
Fine Brotha: Excuse me, but would you mind if I gave you a call sometime?
Me: Sure
Fine Brotha: I’m Fine Brotha*. What’s your name?
Me: The Lioness
Fine Brotha: (pulls out phone) What’s your number?
Me: 1-800-CALL-ME*
Fine Brotha: That’s not a MI area code. Where is that?
I respond.
Fine Brotha: Oh I had a job offer there. (OMG! A man with transferable skills- check mark) Are you from there originally?
Me: No I’m from (insert state). Have you been there before?
Fine Brotha: Actually, I was down near that area the other week for my homeboy’s wedding (Ok, so he’s not afraid to travel and he has friends so he’s not socially awkward plus his friends don’t have commitment issues) What’s a good time to call you?
Me: Anytime after 5:30 us good for me
Fine Brotha: Ok. I will call you when I get off from work (Jackpot! He has a job!)
Me: That sounds good
We say good bye and he walks off to a car (hopefully it’s his). And that’s how I size them up without being too obvious. Now, it’s not a fool proof method, but it’s a good starting point- enough to determine whether this should be pursued further.
So ladies what clues do you look for when you meet a man for the first time? Do you try to be subtle or do you come right out and ask and, if so, what kind of responses do you get? Men- do you prefer to put everything out on the table in the beginning?
As a man, I like to keep my small nipples and unwillingness to partake in missionary secret as long as possible. I also have a job working with top footballers but I don't tell girls that until I know they're not GDs. Good luck…
plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/
My approach usually depends on the vibe I'm getting. If the guy seems like he's hiding something or has too much of a bad boy side, I just ask so that I can save myself from future headaches. If the guy seems fairly normal, I just let him talk. For some reason I have the type of personality that makes people spill their guts to me without much prodding. On my first date with my S.O. he spilled close to his ENTIRE life story to me, quirks and all, right down to him not liking to cuddle at night, lol.
I'm pretty straightforward with what I want to know. If he passes the initial assessment, which is cleanliness, speaks proper English, and makes me laugh within the first five minutes, we can exchange numbers. During the conversation I will say, "If you don't mind my asking, what do you do for a living?" But that's after I mention to him what I do.
Instincts, gotta listen to them. I met this guy this summer (dressed a little too "hood" during the week) and within two minutes of our conversation, I asked him, "What do you do and how many kids do you have?" He looked a little nervous and said, "I work for _____ and I have five kids." So I said "With five different women huh?" He laughed and confirmed. I turned my car on and bounced.
Imagine if I hadn't asked. Who knows how much time I would've wasted?!
Naw…I'm like you Lioness, I'm subtle…but the men up here are so afraid to approach a woman..or they approach me when I'm looking raggedy…so I cant even remember the last time I accepted and sized up a man tryna pick me up.
But really…let men complain..why shouldnt we "gold dig"?
You were def appropriate for an inital encounter. Who asks 'where do you work' right after 'what is your name'??? In that case, uh yeah digging for gold and diamonds too. lol. But yeah…I would have analyzed just like you. NOW on the first date, maybe not even phone call, I dive in. I'd say something like…'So where where were you off to the morning we met, you had a cart full…hahahh…' That may lead to 'oh, I work the night shift" OR "I'm a fire fighter and it was my turn to buy groceries for the house..'…Let us know how it goes!
I hear a lot of complaints from guys about gold diggers, too. It's weird to me 'cause I don't know one woman — not one — who cares about what a guy drives. I wonder what type of women these guys are attracted to. Mmmmm?
I blogged about it 'cause I got tired of guys always bringing it up. These days, as soon as they bring it up, I shut 'em down! LOL.