Dear God: On This Thanksgiving…

I noticed that the older I get, the more I find myself praying and talking to God. In high school, you couldn’t pay me to pray or acknowledge Him as a driving force in my life. As kids we always feel entitled to the world, and I was definitely one of those kids. But now I see that without Him, I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to experience half of what I have experienced even in my short life.

I am usually not very open about my life because I don’t want people to look at me differentlyor try to put me in a box for it. But especially on this 2009 holiday season, I feel like I need to be thankful for the Blessings and favor that have been given to me. Growing up, I was raised by my single grandmother, who worked her butt off to provide everything for me: very nice clothes, great schooling, a car – you name it, grammy provided. But all that she did, I still didn’t appreciate it. I felt a void because my parents had been MIA pretty much my entire life. My father left when I was a baby, and my mom got addicted to drugs shortly after, and has never been quite right since. I remember crying for her when she’d leave at 10pm to chase her high, and grammy disappointedly telling me “there’s no sense in crying baby, she’s gone. Go ahead and get ready for bed.” I’d reluctantly go upstairs to my room and cry myself to sleep, hoping she’d be there when I woke in the morning.  But she never was. She’d come back a few days later, drunk and spaced out. And I’d run to her, hoping to absorb a bit of the love that she might’ve had left over after finishing doing what she loved best. Over time and a lot of tears, I learned that no matter how much you love and want for a person, it’s possible that you could spend your whole existence wasting your time, because if they aren’t in the mindset of loving you back, they just aren’t going to do so. Eventually, I stopped the crying, and vowed to myself that I would not make the same mistakes as my mother (and father) had. I would do my best to be my best, so that I could start a wonderful and complete family of my own. A family that existed of a mother who adored her husband and children, and a husband and children who would do anything for their wife and mother. And for grammy, I’d do something really big for her when I finally “made it”.

Since then, I’ve gotten an undergraduate and two Master’s degrees, and I’m thinking of going again for my PhD. I’m currently engaged to a wonderful man who loves me beyond imagination, and I can’t wait to be his wife! I know that our family will be great! My mom has laid off on the drugs, and is now working on rebuilding her life. I still haven’t found my father yet, and even though it would be nice to have my own father walk me down the aisle for my wedding, I’ll cross that hurdle when I get there.

For now, I’m saying:

Dear God,

I thank you ABUNDANTLY for all of your grace and blessings You have shared with me throughout my life. I appreciate you for all that you are, and all that you provide. You are my guide, my provider, my peace, and I am forever thankful to you. I pray that you allow me to give the same blessings that I’ve had in my life to my future family, and even more. And that you are continually present in my life. I pray that you bless the lives of my friends as well, because they definitely deserve it. Thank You Lord for fellowship this Thanksgiving, for our homes, and family. Lastly, I thank you Lord for love. 

Amen.

God Bless everyone, and have a happy, safe Thanksgiving!